With Each Passing

This has been on my mind for a while and I think it is appropriate that I finally have the time to write this. It is Father's Day and my dad has been gone for 2 1/2 years. Of course, I think of him often and know I was so blessed to have had him as my father...from strong grumpy young dad to older loving kinder dad (something happens to them when they become grandfathers).

There is a time that really brings him to my mind.

Each time I hear of someone's loved one passing

I relive the last moments with my dad.

Dad choose to go off dialysis after 10 years.
He had fought a long and hard battle against diabetes
with Mom at his side.
We would ask him each day if he was sure of his decision

and

 He Was Sure.

He knew where he was going.

And said he would hold the gates open for us when we join him.

For one week we had a party at the house.

Family and friends came from all over

to share their stories for the last time with him

and to tell him they loved him.

For me it was an amazing time.

He had peace..he had strength.

Each day he would say

"I hope this is the day the Lord takes me home.

I am ready"

How amazing to be that sure.

I guess there is "Blessed Assurance"

I saw it in my dad.

My dad passed as we layed him back down one morning, 

a few more breaths and he was gone.

He saw the face of Jesus at 7:30 am.

It is what we had prayed for.

Now...when I hear others tell

how they watched their loved ones die...

gasping, crying for help, bodies wracked with pain,

or even peacefully,

I relive that time with my dad.

And I am grateful

that the memories I have been left with are good.

We got to say goodbye.

We got to say I love you.

We got to be by his side

as he passed from this life to glory.

So every time someone elses loved one passes

My mind takes me back to

 relive those last moments with my dad.

And

 I know

We Were Blessed.

In Memory and In Honor

Today we honored the life of my uncle
 Ross Sowers.

My Dad's brother

He was invloved with Live Steamers.

(Small Trains.)

The last song for his service was

Life is Like a Mountain Railway (click to hear)

Perfect song for him.

And just as the song ended

A train in the distance could be

heard blowing its whistle as it came into Lincoln.

A sign that brought smiles and giggles

to loved ones sitting there.

Perfect timing..perfect ending.

Love sent from above.

We came back to Decatur

And the family gathered around

to honor the second one to have passed.

Roses were handed to the loved ones there.

And a thought was mentioned

to honor the oldest brother

who had passed 2 years 2 months before.

And with that thought,

a quick trip was made

to place a rose

upon the others grave.

It was hardly a surprise to me

as we drove into the cemetary 

 to see before us

a red tail hawk

circling against the blue sky.

Perfect timing...perfect ending.

Love sent from above.

(My sign for Dad is the red tail hawk)

I Remember When.....

For years I had thought of writing a few of my favorite memories in a card to give to Mom and Dad. I wanted to let them know that simple times held the best memories for me.

I decided to involve the whole family with a perfect gift for Mom and Dad that came from this idea.

I found an unusual jar and labeled it Memories, Smiles and Treasures. I sent several slips of paper to each family member with instructions to write "I remember..." moments with Marv and Evelyn and sign their name to each slip. Some wrote out a lot of memory slips, others wrote out one of two.

Both of my parents birthdays are in July so we picked a day in between and set it up for a family get together. I gave them the empty jar and told them they needed to fill it with special memories. Mom and Dad took a few moments thinking of what in the world they could put into this jar. Then I told them we would help them fill it. Each one of us put our "I remember" slips in the jar. We had nearly 200 memory slips!

That day a few slips were pulled out and read. There were smiles and laughter. There was astonishment at events that were remembered. There were tears as love was recognized. Memories read brought renewed memories for others or a new memory to be wrote out and shared later on. Everyone enjoyed this time of sharing  memories of Marv and Evelyn...
                              of Mom and Dad....
                                     of Grandma and Grandpa.

 Mom and Dad were instructed to take a couple of "I remember" slips out to read every day. It took them 3 months to go through the jar. And then they started all over again. Sometimes they would come across a new memory that someone had secretly added. It was a continuing joy.

When Kayla was 2 she joined us in this tradition.

Every Wednesday when she was at "Sowers" and Grandma's she would pass out the I remember when's. Everyone would read one and then Kayla in her sweet little girl voice would read hers...."I remember all the time" (Ah..I can hear her sweet voice now)

Some of our memories:
Marvin (son)" I remember... Dad coming back from Florida with oranges and teaching everyone a dance called the Twist."

Sheryl (daughter) "I remember...all the stars at Tall Tree Lake where we camped. I'm so glad Mom and Dad took me there."

Stephen (grandson)" I remember...Grandpa and Grandma's last jeep. I hated to see it sold. I remember Grandpa saying we would have visitation rights."

Cindy (granddaughter)" I remember...my first plane ride. Mom and I went up in a small plane with Grandpa. We got to see our house and all around Decatur."

Keri (granddaughter)" I remember...going to the state fair every year with Grandma and Grandpa. We got to ride the Skyline and spend $5."

Crisite (granddaughter) "I remember....that I love my grandparents so much and I always will."

With the grandkids there was one memory that they each wrote.

"I remember...Grandpa taking us to the donut shop. After we ate our donut we could buy a piece of bubble gum. Sometimes Grandpa would buy a donut to take home to Grandma. But when we would get home we would sneak downstairs and eat her donut. "

It truly was a gift that kept on giving

for years and years.

A wonderful gift of memories.

I'd Wish I Could (1985)

When I was 5 I got bit by my dog.

Dad tried to make me feel all better.

I'd wish I could but

I didn't tell him then.

When I was 7 Dad took us to

Tall Tree Lake to camp.

I'd wish I could but

I didn't tell him then.

When I was 13 I heard Dad get up in

the middle of the night for a drink.

I'd wish I could but

I didn't tell him then.

When I was 16 I watched as Dad

protected us from unknown noises.

I'd wish I could but

I didn't tell him then.

When I was 18 Dad walked me down

the isle of the church to be married.

I'd wish I could but

I didn't tell him then.

When I was 20 I had a beautiful

baby girl to show my Dad.

I wished I could and

Then I did...

Tell him..

"I LOVE YOU"

Now I am older and so is he

and I'm so glad I can't say

"I wish I had told Dad"

Because I did tell him and

I tell him again today,

"I love you, Dad."

The Christmas Present

Dad liked giving gifts to Mom. In the last years when he was unable to go out anymore it was my job to search for the gift that he had in mind. I would also pick out birthday, anniversary and Christmas cards for him to give to her. I would read cards until my heart......
                                    my intuition.....
                                            my spirit....
                 would tell me this is the one he wants.

For their 50 anniversary Dad wanted to buy Mom a diamond ring and a watch. But with her condition her fingers swell and are painful so instead I found a tiny diamond ring charm to go on a gold watch necklace. 

                               
She was very pleased with the necklace knowing the thought that went into it from my dad. She loved her 50th anniversary present. 
 
Years later as Dad needed more and more help we had nurses, care givers, and others who came into the house to help. It was at this time that Mom's favorite Anniversary necklace disappeared. We searched and searched for it...in the bedroom...in the frontroom...in every room...in every place. But we had no luck in finding it. The thought came that someone may have taken the necklace. It was no where to be found.

 Six years after their 50th Anniversary Dad passed. There was so much to do as we got the house ready to sell. In that time we thought about the necklace and looked for it as each drawer was cleaned out...as each piece of furniture was moved. But the Anniversary necklace was never found.

             *************************************
One of things that I have had to adjust to is that I no longer search for that perfect present that Dad wanted to give Mom. Except this year it was especially on my mind.....

 (Here I go again...with talk of wonders and signs)
Rainbows are Kayla's sign for my dad. For me...hawks are my sign for him. When I took Dad to Springfield to the doctors he would always point out the hawks.

Tuesday as I driving near the lake a hawk flew along beside my van. It was so close I could count its red tail feathers. I was in wonder...I thought of my dad....I thought of the Anniversary necklace and I thought maybe I should look for another one.

                                           
30 minutes later I turned onto my road and then another hawk soared directly toward my van...it was so close I could count it tail feathers. It made me wonder...was this a sign from Dad that I needed to get Mom a Christmas present...another necklace. Why is that necklace on my mind...on my heart?
I thought sometimes signs come in 3's. If I saw another hawk then that was it...I had to go find a necklace for Mom. I went into my house and was talking to Stan. Then I noticed the show he was watching on TV was about a......you guessed it, didn't you? It was about a red tail hawk! That was it....Mom was going to get a Christmas present from Dad this year.

 The next morning was Wednesday and Mom, Triece and I always go out to eat. I went and picked up Mom. And before I could even say a word she said "I found my Anniversary necklace!". All I could say was "WHAT?".  She said she couldn't believe it when she opened her jewelry box of pins and it was right on top.

 I know..I know...I know...it was not there before. 
 I remember looking in that box when it was lost

 I remember looking in that box through the years.

 I remember looking in that box when we moved her.

She has been in her apartment for almost 2 years.

                 How could it be right on top?

I said "Mom, I think you got a Christmas miracle." And I told her the story about the hawks and how I knew she was to get an Anniversary necklace for Christmas. I just thought I was supposed to go buy her another one. I didn't realize that hers was going to show up in her jewelry box....right on top!

                           

Merry Christmas Eveyln...
     With Love From Heaven

Little Mule

In 1978 Mom and Dad had Marvin and I write down the things we would want when either of them died. I was surprised because I think my brother and I are so different and yet we both choose the same things. We have no problems dealing with things like that and easily made the decision of who got what.

There was one thing that reminded both of us of Dad. It was a strange thing for each of to have noticed this among all of Dad's things. From the time we were little this item was in Dad's garage way up high on a shelf in a dark corner. It was a hood ornament...a little mule with eyes that used to light up.

After Dad passed I knew that Marvin was to get the little mule hood ornament. I cleaned it all up, taking off years of dirt and grease, for my brother. I took pictures of it to place in my memory book. And then as I cleaned the attic out I even found a photo of my dad with his old truck with Little Mule on it! I made a copy of that photo and placed it in frame to present with Little Mule to my brother. I had the surprise all set up for him, clean mule and framed photo to be put in a place of honor in Marvin's home.

Marvin was at Mom's when I got there and I expected him to tell me thank you for finding the photo and cleaning up the little mule. But to my surprise he pulled the little mule from his pocket and put it in my hands. He said it was mine. I did not want to take what was his. But he explained that it had always been mine. I did not believe him until he pulled the paper out of his pocket from 1978 when it had all been decided.

I had been planning a surprise for my brother and instead I was surprised. Now Little Mule is in a place of honor in my home and I am happy about that.

As we cleaned up the house after Dad was gone there were a few things that I placed in a bag to bring home.

These items remind me of my dad.

His date planner, index card and mechanical pencil..he always had those things in his shirt pocket.

A pocket knife.

Little screw drivers.

A very small clamp...I just thought that was neat.

He kept a metal file beside his chair.

He had bowls of keys.

There were lots of marbles....this one felt cool in my hand.

In the photo is a bullet casing....that is from the 21 gun salute at his funeral. That was a perfect ending to honor my dad's life.

The flag was at half mast next door at my uncles house

 in honor of the oldest brother.

The Angel of Comfort

                                                                Paintng by Sheryl
In 2003 my mom, Evelyn, was diagnosed with lung cancer. It was found very early and after a bad experience we were thankful when a doctor said she could have surgery. 

20 days later our family was in the DMH waiting room while Mom was having surgery to remove 1/2 of her left lung. As we waited I prayed and listened to one tape over and over again. It was Elvis Inspiritional Music....music that Mom has always turned to when she felt troubled. I have continued that tradition in my life. There was one song that I claimed for my mom while she was in surgery. It was "There Will Be Peace in the Valley" Every time that song would play I would pray that my mom would feel that peace...Peace in Valley. I heard that song many times during the hours she was in surgery and each time I claimed it for her.

At last the call came to the family waiting room that Mom was out of surgery. The doctor came in to tell us that everything had gone very well. They thought they got all of the cancer and there would not even be any need for chemo or radiation. He said Mom was being brought down the hall on the way to recovery.

We stepped out into the hall and we could see her....she was looking around for us...her eyes so bright and filled with excitement. When she saw us the first thing she said was "It was wonderful! I dreamed I was in this beautiful peaceful valley and an angel was walking with me. She was beautiful with long flowing hair. It was so peaceful!" And then Mom was whisked away to recovery.

Oh my gosh...That was the song...That was my prayer!

Peace in the Valley.

Unbelievable!

Each day Mom grew stronger. Then it was time for her to spend a night alone at the hospital. Late in the night she began to feel uneasy and scared. She closed her eyes to pray and then she felt a tug on her toes. She opened her eyes to find her angel standing at the foot of the bed. Mom felt comforted and was able to go to sleep.

Her angel visited one more time. After she came home I spent  nights with mom caring for her and Dad. After a week we decided it was time for mom to spend a night on her own. As she tried to go to sleep she began to worry. She closed her eyes and started to pray. Once again she felt that tug on her toes and when she opened her eyes the same angel was at the foot of her bed. Mom felt comforted. She was able to rest and go to sleep.

Three times this angel came to visit Mom. Seven years later and still cancer free I ask Mom to describe her angel with the flowing hair that she had first met in the peaceful valley and she said she could not remember. But she does remember the feeling of comfort she received.

 What a wonderful angel

 for God to send to my mom.

A beautiful angel of comfort

 with long flowing hair.